Post edited 11:12 am – April 14, 2010 by MISS Emily
Post edited 11:13 am – April 14, 2010 by MISS Emily
Post edited 11:14 am – April 14, 2010 by MISS Emily
Chris (and Nancy),
I was catching up for my "real" listen to AHAW since I get distracted during the life show. I was struck by Nancy's situation with the challenging family, and a situation that my pack recently had with a group of 3 boys that joined in 4th grade.
In August, we had 8 boys who were in 5th grade, and no 4th graders. I'm not completely sure why, as I think that there is some past history that is WAY before my time. During our fall round-up we had 3 4th graders and 1 5th grader show up. The Web II leader said that they would be welcome to come to their den meetings initially to get situated, but as those boys all had rank and were primarily working on crossing over and the AOL, the 4th graders would be better served by starting their own den, and selecting their on DL. The 5th grader was given a choice, and he elected to work independently with his family and do what was going on in the Web II den. (He earned rank and crossed over last month.)
In September, the CM, Bear DL, and Web II DL (since they were meeting at the same time, and had similar aged boys) tried very hard to get these boys situated and set up a den. None of those parents wanted to be the DL. The parents would drop their boys off at the door and come back an hour later, and the boys would look confused. One night, one of them came up to me and said, "Mr. So-n-So, X's dad, said that he would run our meeting tonight, but they're not here." In the fall when those things happened, the CM and Web II leader would have those join the Web II den, but the fit and program weren't there for them.
Some of us in the leadership felt horrible that we weren't really serving those boys. I kept asking– how are we gonna make this den work? At recharter, we sat down with those parents, and asked them what they wanted to do. The parents were angry at the committee and the leadership, and felt that we hadn't served them. None of them rechartered with us: 1 switched units, and 2 dropped out. I had (and have) guilt, and we tried to debrief about the situation. We didn't serve those boys, that's true. However, we needed to be met halfway, and none of the parents wanted to do that. Maybe we should have dragged them along more, I don't know?
I'd like to think that I do an okay program, better than some and not as great as others, but I try. I'm a work in progress. As much as I'd like to think otherwise, lil ol' me doesn't have the ability to do it all for every boy. Miss Liberty said once in one of our shows, that she will make sure that every boy in her pack as the opportunity to obtain the AOL, but she's not going to give it to him. He *and his family* have got to be a part of the equation. Most of the time that means showing up and being active in the meeting, but sometimes it means working on a few things at home, or going somewhere extra on a Saturday morning.
When that boy doesn't have all of the requirements for rank, sometimes I do feel bad, and I do wonder if I should let it slide and give it to him anyways. I've decided that is probably my own issue. I want all of the boys to be happy and never disappointed. However, Chris, you're right. Boys feel more proud and accomplished if they get something through earning it, and there are important lessons in *not* getting a freebie, such as patience, determination, perseverance and learning to manage disappointment. Those are values that we need to be teaching our cubs.
That being said, with Tigers, I have participation patches for almost everything, and they LOVE those, and know what they did to get them. I actually do that more to create a tangilble narrative of what they've done this year, so that they can look back on their patches and remember the activities. (BTW, those are given in the moment, not at the pack meeting.)
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